Another major milestone

I know its been a while since my last post, and I can't make any excuses, because it is really my fault for not taking out time to blog more often. I've had a calm few months now, and all along praying for the blood counts to come up and envisioning (believing fully) that my counts will be restored to BETTER than before values. BETTER than what they were in July 2012, before any treatment started. Chemotherapy have battered my bone marrow, and doctors say the counts would never be as high as before, BUT I have a Lord who is mighty. He is all powerful, and can do wonderful things...! What seems impossible in our worldly eyes, is possible for my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Hallelujah, Amen...!

So what have I been doing the last few months? Well, in August the PICC line (on the left arm) got infected. I got up one morning with severe pain and swelling in the arm, and had to rush to hospital. It was oozing pus and they decided to pull the line out. As the arm was swollen, and pus was there, I was started on anti-biotics. Later a small clot was discovered, due to which they had to give me blood thinning injections. And because my platelets were below 50, I had to be given platelets everyday, following which I could self inject the blood thinning medication.

My neutrophil counts had come to 2.9 before this incident, but due to the heavy anti-biotics and possibly the blood thinning too, the counts kept dropping and had reached 0.3 at one stage. It was then I requested the doctor to allow me to stop the blood thinning. The arm swelling had decreased, BUT it was a gamble then, because the clot could get worse and the arm would swell up again and there could have been further complications. BUT we prayed and decided to wait on the Lord. By God's grace, it didn't get worse, but the neutrophils again was low and I had to be more careful and stay indoors.

Check out this crude graph I whipped up, showing the roller-coaster ride the neutrophil counts have taken:

Around May time they were flat at zero, but thats post transplant. Then you can see two peaks at 3.7 and 2.9, but infections happened and they again dropped. The last drop from 2.9 (Aug 1st week) is what I was talking above. Since then the neutrophils made a slow recovery, hovering around the 0.6-0.7 range, until two weeks back. Then on my brother-in-laws birthday, 15th Oct it crossed 1 in over two months...! And yesterday, the neutrophils were 2.3, just in time for my return to work today. :) What great timing from the Lord. We see delays in things all the time, and get impatient - but our Lord provides and His timing is always perfect...!

Also, by God's grace, the platelets have been stable since the start of October. And I have not needed any transfusion for about 3 weeks now. Still around 20 only, and have a LONG way to go to the values we have envisioned and praying about, but atleast its stable. We have jotted down values for what we want the counts to be, thats our vision for the values of Hb, WBC, platelets and neutrophils. And we don't ask for it in prayer, BUT we THANK GOD for giving it to us.

Thanks once again for all your prayers. Especially pray for my work, that I can diligently do my duties. I pray for all of you too, and believe that praying for others in more important, as our needs will automatically be meet by the Lord.

God bless...!

100 days post transplant

Today marks 100 days after the autologous stem cell transplant that I had back in April. I thank God for keeping me well, and by His Grace and Mercy I'm keeping fit and healthy.
The road has been a bit bumpy, and there are many more miles to go, but I ain't complaining. Because when you hear the stories of many in similar situations, you can't help but acknowledge the divine blessings from above. And believe that His angels have been guiding and guarding me all throughout. I know the Master has everything planned and I believe that I will live long and declare His works...

The counts are still crawling up, but its growing slowly and steadily. I know that my bone marrow is recovering, and my Lord and saviour has healed me. Hallelujah...! The doctors obviously need to test things, and so I have to have a bone marrow test this coming Tuesday (29th July). It's a pretty painful process where they stick a needle onto your hip bone, and draw out some marrow for testing. It could take 10mins, and it could take much longer too. One of the times, it took around 50mins, but the worst was little over an hour... :) I've laid there praying for the pain to end...

Remember, life ain't without trials and difficulties. But Jesus is the one who can give you the strength and courage to endure in the midst of troubles. Most of us will know the incident when Jesus calms the storm (Matthew Ch.8). I recently heard a message on this bible portion, where the sea is compared to life. We can't simply sit on the shore, but have to journey into the sea to face life's journey. The sea isn't always calm, there can be small waves, big waves and storms too, but whats important is that:
- We have Jesus in our boat (in our lives)
- And that we trust in Him completely
- We shouldn't let our faith be shaken by the evil one

Please continue to uphold me in your prayers as you have done so far. Believe with me that I have been healed, and in your prayers, thank God for the complete healing He has bestowed upon me. There are so many of us who need prayers, and I am praying for all those I know about. If you have a special need, and I can pray for you, please do let me know. Let us all come together and be an extended family, offering our prayers to the Almighty...

God bless...!

Double portion of goodness awaits

Greetings to you all in the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ...! I know its been a long time since my last update, and my wife was insisting I write something. As there were just routine things going on, I didn't have much to share. But she insisted and actually shared verses and thoughts, which helped me with this post. So here goes...

I got back home exactly a month back now, after 53 days in Hospital. I wrote earlier right - about the long wait I had in Hospital for my neutrophils to recover, that contributed to the delay and long stay. Well, DELAY would be in our terms, but I'm sure that in the Lord's eyes, its all timed to perfection. I know HE will satisfy me with long life and show me His salvation (Psalms 91:16).

Even though I got back home, due to the low neutrophil counts, I have been staying indoors as much as possible. The first 2 weeks or so, I had to stab myself with the GCSF injections (yes, the same ones to boost the white cell counts). Only when the neutrophils was above 1 for few days, I was allowed to stop those injections. Post this, the neutrophil counts fell down again, because GCSF causes an inflated value. The very next day the count was 0.4 and I was praying to God that they don't insist me staying back in Hospital (as it was below the 0.5 threshold). By God's grace, got back home that day, and ever since, there has been a slow but gradual and constant increase in the neutrophil counts.

Also, the platelet (for clotting) counts have been low post the transplant, and I was needing blood transfusions (for platelets) every alternate day. For this, I had to go to the Hospital for blood tests, and depending on the counts, they would give me platelets. Its only since a week now, that its showing signs of improvement, and they've asked me to come every 3 days now. The neutrophils are the first to stabilize, and then the platelets and RBCs follow. By God's grace, my RBCs have been holding up well, and I've not had to have a lot of red blood transfusions.

I thank God for the last month, each day is a blessing from above, and I thank him immensely for His grace and mercy. Going to the hospital often has taken up a lot of the last month, but obviously there is a lot of time at hand. Unlike after chemotherapy sessions, I must accept that my body is feeling fatigued. And I have been resting a lot, sleeping more than usual and lazing around...! I really want to do more, as I don't like myself lazing around. Anyways, while I can't do much physical activities, I can surely use this time to share some thoughts...

The power of prayer: Needless to say we have been praying a lot. Its the way the world ticks, when we are in trouble, we begin to pray a lot. But when we get what we want, we forget the giver. I would like to stress the fact that prayer has multiple dimensions - its not meant only to ask for what we want. Its a medium to thank and give praise to the Almighty for all His grace and mercy and blessings. It is our chance to confess our sins and acknowledge the truth that Jesus has paid the price for our sins and also for our healing. Most of all, we should pray for the needs of others.

James 5:16 says - Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. When we pray for others, our healing will be manifested too. Prayers move the hand of God. We should especially pray for people who don’t have anyone to pray for them. When we pray for others, our needs will be met too. Now, don't start praying for others just so your own needs are met. :) It has to come from the heart, because the one you are praying to knows everyone and everything.

Forgiveness: Remember Job, and his suffering. The trials he went through. His three friends discouraged him and ridiculed him. He was so mad at them, but that did not bring him healing. The bible tells that God turned the captivity of Job when he prayed for his friends. When he prayed for his wicked friends and humbled himself for them, God healed Job and gave him twice as much as he had before. So as we pray, we must forgive too.

In the parable found in Matthew 18:23-35 - we read about the Master who forgave his servants' debts, but this servant did not forgive the much smaller debt of his own servant. Think of God as the master, we have huge debts of sin mounted up, that he has taken away from us and is able to forgive it all. But then we need to forgive the much lesser things we have against our friends and family. Forgive from your heart, and you will not only free them but free yourself. Its not an easy task, to do good to those who hurt/despise you. But if you submit this need to God and pray about it, He will bless you in this regard too.

Don't condemn yourself: Don't think for once, you are being punished by God. The devil inflicts pain to shake you, your finances, your family, your faith. So don't give in to it. Condemnation leads to fear, which leads to stress and will only pull you down further. God only has plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. We give in to wicked thoughts put in by the devil and condemn ourselves and slip down a slope of despair. So don’t let the devil make you feel that you are guilty. Jesus has paid the price for our sins and for our healing. All we need to do is accept Jesus as our saviour, ask him for forgiveness and turn from evil ways. 

Let us together rebuke the devil in Jesus name and he will flee from you - for there is ONLY one name on heaven or earth, to which every knee bows down - The name of JESUS!

And Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). So with great confidence I can say that like Job I have a double portion of goodness and blessings in store. God has a definite plan for my life, and I surrender my life to His works - in whatever way He seems best. I will LIVE and declare His works... I am NOT a victim, but a VICTOR in Christ Jesus. Halleluiah, Amen...

40 days

The number 40 has a lot of significance in the Bible. In Noah's time it rained 40 days and 40 nights, the Israelites roamed the desert for 40 years, Jesus fasted in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, and so on...

I had a tough 40 days too, Yesterday was day 40 after my transplant... It's not because of the side effects. The side effects wore off within 2 weeks after the transplant, but ever since that time, each day I have been waiting on the Lord. Waiting for this time. His perfect time...

I waited patiently for the Lord; 

   he turned to me and heard my cry. 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

   out of the mud and mire; 

he set my feet on a rock 

   and gave me a firm place to stand. 

He put a new song in my mouth, 

   a hymn of praise to our God. 

Many will see and fear the Lord 

   and put their trust in him.

                                    Psalm 40:1-3

For me to go home, my blood counts needed to pick up. For that to happen, the new stem cells that was put into me needed to find a good home in the bone marrow and start producing healthy cells. They needed to form neutrophils (combating infection), platelets (clotting) and RBCs, and many others. Only when the neutrophils touch 0.5, do they send me home, so there is lesser risk of infection (normal range is above 2).

By God's grace, I have been keeping very fit and healthy over the last 2-3 weeks, it was just that the counts were not moving. It's not easy to wait, trust me. For someone like me, who like things done soon, in time, such waiting is a real trial. A real test of my will power and patience. Not to mention, the Devil keeps putting silly/disheartening thoughts in your mind - so many "what-ifs" that pull you down. BUT I wasn't let down by these thoughts, because the Lord hasn't given us a spirit of fear, NO, he has given us a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. I kept rebuking such thoughts, and clinging onto his unfailing love for me, and using my little faith to cling onto his steadfast faith.

Romans 8:28 says: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I believe there is a special purpose for my life, and I believe that the Lord has HIS plans for me. Henceforth, it's not what I want to do with my life, but what His will is for my life...

Each day, prayers went up. Not just mine, but Ancy, my parents, my family, friends from our Church, loads of people who don't even know me that well, people from all parts of the globe were praying for me... For the last 10 day or so, people from our prayer group have been praying especially for me, everyday between 10 and 10:15pm. And all these added up, and kept going up to the Lord. When we pray, a saying goes like this, God can answer in 3 ways:

   He says YES, and gives us what we want,

   He says NO, and gives us something better,

   He says WAIT, and gives us the best!

The counts stayed flat for more than a month, imagine how the wait was. Everyday asking the nurse my counts, and the answer coming back as your neutrophils are still zero. Now, about a week back, they got to 0.1, but again the Doctors don't treat that very important, and they need to see a rise. The last few days, I stopped asking even, and just waited for the Lord to do his miracle. That's why this post is a day late, because ONLY today I got told by the Consultant that my neutrophils was 0.2 yesterday... :)

Now, this long wait was for a reason... Only the Master planner knows. I could only guess and believe in my heart that it was so that the cells adjust well, and will work well for the rest of my lifetime... I thank the Lord for his wondering grace, each day is a blessing from above. Thanks to you ALL for praying for me, please do continue to do so... I am praying for you too - if you have any special needs, do let me know, so I can pray specifically for your needs. We serve a God who loves us and IF we ask Him anything in Jesus name, he will not disappoint us... Either we get what we ask for, or else something much much better...!

God bless...

Be a fool for Christ

I wrote these few lines some days back, on he phone. Didn't have the strength to finish and publish then. But lets see how it goes now... This was around 12th April...

Ancy was with me sometime today. During those 2hrs that she was with me she saw me vomiting twice... She helped and was supportive. She always has been. Our parents see so much of our weakness too as we grow up, so much they bear for us. So much they support and care for us. Now, imagine, how much more do the nurse's and doctor's see... While we don't have our family around, the support staff at Hospitals help us a lot and see a LOT of our weakness. Right?

Now, imagine, HOW MUCH MORE DOES GOD SEE OUR WEAKNESS...? and its not just our sickness, illness's or pains. God's knows our innermost being. All our hidden pains, weakness and faults. but even after knowing ALL this, is still loves us unconditionally...!!!

Today is my new Birthday, my new life in Christ. And hence I want to live this new live in HIM. Give whatever you have to him, and let Jesus multiply it...

My Birthday: April 16, 2014 (Day 0)

My Mission: Be a fool for Christ!

Thanks to ALL for your prayers...

God bless...!

The final battle begins

The last week was spent preparing for the battle... Yesterday, got the PICC line put in again. Had a smooth procedure, and the nurse was able to find the same vein healthy, and the line is back on the left hand itself. God's grace that it wasn't blocked or anything. Else I would have scars on the right hand too... ;) Please do pray that the plasters don't react too much this time, and I can smoothly use the line for the entire transplant duration.

So I’ll be admitted tomorrow, but the transplant protocol will start on Monday, 7^th April. Yes, a great day to start eh... My favourite number SEVEN... In the Bible, referred to perfection. Perfect God, the Perfect Son and the Perfect Holy Spirit... So in Jesus name, with him beside me, I start this final battle... Satan can try all he wants, but I go into battle with the Armour of God. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)
 

As mentioned earlier, I’ve opted for an autologous transplant, ie. using my own stem cells. It’s a week of high dose chemo, a day rest and then my stem cells are given to me (Its called Day 0). After this, I should be in Hospital for another 2-3 weeks, so around a month in total. After this, the first 3 months are crucial, so will need a lot of rest while the body recovers. On day 100 I have to have some immunisation, and then 1 year after day 0, some more immunisations. Basically, it's like having a fresh start, so many of the immunisations that we get as children, I'll have to get again... :)

I'm hoping that this new start, after Day 0 - will be a new LIFE for me... In all aspects... A life spent doing the right things, for the right reasons... I pray that I be more patient, more tolerant, more of good, and can do away with the bad... I pray that it will be life spent acknowledging our Almighty Lord, and declaring his works. No matter what negative numbers have been thrown at me, I believe that God has a plan for me. And as the Psalmist says in Ch118:17: I will not die, but live, and will proclaim (declare) what the Lord has done.

God Bless...

Pressing on, to win the battle

I know it's been a long time, since my last post... So firstly, apologies... Guess I got comfortable at home, and was kept busy doing stuff around the house. Also, we have our annual charity event happening soon, so that has kept me busy too... Those in UK, please do try and make it... All details can be found here:
https://www.facebook.com/YouthFest2014

So, I've been at home for a few months now... The last couple of blood test results were good, and body has recovered well. Just been having some skin reactions, and getting styes in the eye, but apart from that, keeping fit. Hair has grown back, and I'm keeping fine physically, and also mentally and spiritually. Still, I have to go in for further treatment from the first week of April. I haven't found a donor yet, so the options for me are:
1. to use my own stem cells.
2. use cord blood
3. do nothing and wait

An adult donor is the best option, but since that not possible as yet, we have prayed and opted to use my own stem cells. Other option was cord blood, which we weren't keen about. Weighing the pros and cons, at this point in time, we felt using my own stem cells would be best. All the specialist doctors were divided in opinion too, about the first two options, and it was finally left on us as a family to decide... Doing nothing was deemed high risk, as the first time I relapsed within about 8months, so doctors wanted to do some treatment, without delaying anymore...

There were a lot of numbers and percentages thrown as us about risks during the transplant, Graft-versus-host disease, post transplant problems/infections, mortality, chances of relapse, etc... But we've left everything in God's hand. Here on earth, as the doctors say, we're going ahead for treatment, but whatever happens, we believe that everything is taken care of by the Almighty, so trusting in him... And pressing on... The treatment would last a month, and then I'll need few months to recover and for the blood counts to recover to normal levels...

Praying that this treatment will be my last... Believing in my heart and trusting in Christ, the Almighty to shower his Grace and blessings...

As you all have been praying for me thus far, please continue to uphold me in your prayers. And not just for me, please pray for all those in need... those in need of physical healing, those who have financial needs, those who might be having problems in the marriage/relationships, those praying for children, those suffering due to natural disasters, those affected by war, and so on...

Prayer should be more about asking for others, and thanking for what we have. You ask, then what about our own needs? Well, trust that others will be praying for you...

God bless...!

Marrow to thy bones

Praise the Lord Almighty, for enabling me to be fit and fine. I know it’s been a long absence, and I should have written more. But the evil one always finds ways to keep us away from declaring HIS works...

Last week, I had some severe swelling in both eyes. Started with redness and both eyes were red/sore, and the pharmacist gave drops for conjunctivitis. As it did not settle after 3days and both eyelids had swollen up, I visited the eye doctors and it was sties in both eyes...!!! I'm not sure if I ever had a sty in the eye, but this time had two, one in each eye... :) Anyways, my eyes got better over the weekend, and the swelling in the right eye went away completely this Monday, and it’s almost gone in the left eye too. The Doctor had given me antibiotics for 5 days and advised to do hot-compress treatment 3-4 times a day. By placing hot/warm towel on the eyes and massaging it a bit.

So that kept me away from the computer and cell phone for 3-4days. In a way it’s good, as I rested much more. Else I'm always online (computer, phone, tablet, etc) and it’s so addictive that time just gets wasted... Also, we're preparing for our annual charity program, and so was doing my bit to help the youths of our church. Please check out the Facebook page here: www.facebook.com/YouthFest2014

For those who remember, I had done the stem cell extraction mid-Dec, but the final results are not back yet. And that’s why I still don't have any concrete news about the transplant steps. The Doctor said the low level tests showed good results, but the high resolution (or much deeper test results are still pending). BUT that’s not a problem, I trust in the Lord's timing. And everything happens for the best...

Since the stem cell collection procedure, I had not done any blood tests - so was advised to do one today just to check on things. All the results are positive. Most of the blood counts are very much in the normal range, like for any normal person. Platelets are a bit lower than ideal, but it’s not anything to be alarmed about. Can't thank the Lord enough for taking care of me, and enabling my body to recover from all the chemotherapy...

That’s the latest... Oh, incase you wondering about the post title... If you aren't, what’s wrong with you? I'm thinking up innovative titles to catch your attention, and you haven't bothered to think about it...! lol...

About the title: My cousin +David Anush had organised a stem cell donor drive in Trivandrum, along with the help of many others whom I've not met - BUT they did so much, that I don't know how to thank them. +Suresh Devarajan & +Suresh John Jacob are two others I have to mention for an amazing drive at TVM, where over 350 people registered. There was a small write-up in the newspaper too. Picture on Facebook. It’s amazing how friends of friends and their friends have all come together and helped so much in so many ways. And most of all in prayers...

So at this drive, a lady called Manju Gilbert (G+ showed me 3 Manju's, so couldn't link) got to know about me. And during one of her meditations with the Gospel, God spoke to her in Proverbs 3:1-8. She had read it in the NIV and NKJV versions, but somehow was prompted and inspired to read the KJV too... Let me quote from her email to me:
============================
"Morning I had promised myself to spend some more time later in the day meditating on Proverbs 3:1-8. I didn’t get round to doing it. I could feel a gentle prompting, revisit it & that I did and not only in NIV & NKJV version but also in KJV. I read it and the first thing that struck me is Oh my God this for Jason. I believe that verse/version from KJV(King James Version) is for Jason. 

Proverbs 3:2 - For the length of days & long life and peace, shall they add to thee... 6: In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path. 7: Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord and depart from evil. 8: It shall be health(medicine literal meaning in Hebrew) to thy navel(body) and marrow to thy bones. Amen"
============================

Yes, she called me 'Jason' - not a big deal. Many of you still don't know how to pronounce or spell my name... hehe... :) But that’s how I came to this title. Such an inspiring and thoughtful message, from someone whom I've never might. Its awesome when I think about the prayers being said for me, even without my knowledge. A pastor once said our prayers ALL add up. As the basket fills, they are carried to our Lord... And the basket much FILL to the brim before going up... So prayer for others too, not just our own needs... You never know when your prayer might be the one to fill the basket, and will help shoot of the whole load of requests unto the Lord...

I try to pray for others too. Mostly generically, but also taking names - but at times we can forget. So today, I have started writing all the names down, so I can call out each of them, and not forget. Our prayers should be more for others... More for thanking the Lord for his unfailing grace and mercy... More to declare our love and to acknowledge that Jesus died for us and has paid the price for our sins and our healing...

The 3 stripes of Adidas

[2nd attempt. Blogger hung on me and I lost half the post, so had to redo it. The Devil tries, but can't stop me... :) He can only TRY...!!!]

For those who know me, they will know that I am an Adidas guy. I'm not sure when the craze started, but it has been well over a decade (around the turn of the century maybe). Not sure what it was, maybe the simplicity of a brand with 3 stripes... In any case, I gradually only started buying Adidas gear and now most of my wardrobe is full of stripes. lol...

A few days back, I got asked again by a church friend about why Adidas, and I referred to The Trinity and said by His stripes we are saved. Although it came on as a general quick-wit comment, I really liked the thought, and it got me thinking. All this while, I've been wearing the 3 stripes, and it was just another brand for me. Now, it has much more meaning. I wear the 3 stripes and I have the trinity with me at all times - God the Father, Christ Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Let me refer some verses: 
1 Peter 2:24 - He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree (cross), so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His stripes (wounds) you have been healed.

This talks about Jesus paying the price for our sins, but not just that; he also paid the price for our healing - both spiritual and physical healing. There is another verse which talks about physical healing by the blood of Jesus Christ.
Matthew 8:17 - This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: "He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases."
[Which refers to the fulfilling of the prophesy from the Old Testament in Isaiah 53:4-5]

How amazing... To know that all these years, knowing or unknowingly I have been under the protection of the Trinity. Like spiderman's uncle said, "With great power, comes great responsibility." :) I don't have any power, just the strength that comes from the grace and mercy of our Lord. But still, now it is an added responsibility as I wear the stripes of Jesus. Actions speak louder than words, and today I realise how my actions need to show a life in Christ as I bear the stripes...

Not sure if you saw the post I shared on FB earlier today (from a group called Christian PF). Honestly, I thought about this topic 3-4 days back, and had written the subject and 1-2 paras also, but just didn't manage to finish writing. Today when I saw this post on FB, I was really touched by it. Today was the day for this blog post, and the picture message ties in so well to this topic. That our lives, the way we lead it, should make non-believers question their disbelief in God.

So my healing has been pre-approved, over 2000 years ago. And my faith is strong and nothing can change the way I feel about tomorrow and the years ahead. The Lord has something planned for my life and my humble prayer is this: Take me and mould me oh God...!!! So that when people get to know me, they will know you better...!

On the treatment front, I was due to meet the consultant tomorrow (Jan 8, 2014) and discuss next steps with regards to the transplant. But few test results were not back yet, and the meeting has been postponed to sometime next week. The Lord's timing is perfect and I don't fear one second about whats going to happen. Whatever will happen will happen for the best. I live all the days of my life that have been given to me from above. And I pray that each of these days, I spend knowing more about my Saviour, and declaring his wonderful works.


Disclaimer: I am NOT getting paid by #Adidas (maybe they should consider it now) and don't wish to make any comments that can cause corporate advertising issues... :) These thoughts are mine and ONLY my thoughts...