The roller-coaster ride continues

Hello Everyone,

Firstly, apologies for the long delay since the last post. This post has been long pending, and finally I sat to write and update you about my life...

Being told I had cancer was a BIG shock back in 2012, then there was even greater disappointment when it relapsed in 2013 and the reason for this delayed post is that I had a second relapse earlier this year. Yep, my counts started dropping towards the end of Jan, and there were more tests done through Feb, and they finally confirmed a relapse!

Needless to say, there were so many mixed feelings, that it was overwhelming...!!! Being me, I never could express it well, but somehow by God's grace I've held on. Everyone around have been encouraging and very very supportive, but for me, enduring this isn't easy to say the less... :) Thoughts do come as to why I am suffering like this, going back and forth with the illness - BUT with the little shaky faith I have, I try and cling onto my Lord's great faithfulness...

My dad mentions this verse, and it relates so well to the phase I'm going through...
            "In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul." Psalm 94:19

So, 2nd relapse... Doctors said I have to have chemotherapy again, followed by another transplant. The thought was totally unacceptable...! Again 2-3 courses of high dose chemo - my body would just not cope! Then a transplant, that too I don't have a full 10/10 match. So it would be a cord-blood or haplo(50-50 match with parents) transplant. I was praying for an alternative... And that's when they told me I could be eligible for a trials treatment called RAvVA, where in I get low dose chemo and it would not be as intensive. It needed a minimum of 6 cycles (1 month each), wherein I get sub-cut injections for 7(working) days and then a break until the next. I didn't have to be hospitalised and could possibly work the rest of the time during the break period.

Traditional chemotherapy aims to kill all cancerous cells, but at the same time kills good cells too. With this trial treatment, it tries to curb the cell cycle of cancerous cells and thus make more room for normal cells to grow. In short explanation... :) After consulting with family and other specialists in the field, we opted for the RAvVA treatment. And it started in March earlier this year. As my neutrophil counts had completed dropped, the first two cycles were not easy. I fell ill with high temperature (neutropenic sepsis) and was admitted in hospital 3 times. There was pneumonia and further lung infection and all...

Anyways, by God's grace, I got through all that and was able to be at home for 3-4days before the start of the 3rd cycle. The 3rd cycle went well, and after the 7days of injection, I was able to get back home. And have been at home for the last 2 weeks. Tomorrow I start my 4th cycle, and hence was desperate to get this blog out and update you all...

The last two weeks, I was able to eat well and put back some pounds, and get fit and ready for the next cycle. Although its low dose therapy, I still have some nausea and tiredness, so do loose weight. That's why I have been eating as much as possible... :) By God's grace, I was able to work too, and thanks to a very supportive team at Cisco, I was able to work in my time and complete the tasks given to me. It's a real blessing to be at #Cisco and have the flexibility to work from home and have the full support of my manager (and higher up) and my team amidst these difficult times.

So that's about it guys... I summed up the last 5 months quickly, to update up you all that I am doing well. I believe that there is a purpose for these tough times, and believe there are much better times ahead. Our Lord Jesus has special plans for me... I pray that he uses me for the extension of His kingdom... I though so unworthy, still am a child of His care! Thanks to you all who have been praying for me. It's these prayers which have kept me strong!

Love and regards to you all...

God bless...

Blessings from above

Hello Everyone,

This post should have gone out a couple days back, but never got around to doing it... :) Couple days back meaning 30th Dec... Marking our 5th marriage anniversary...!!!

Of these five years, the last 2 years have been very different to what a married couple would expect. Needlessly to say, it has been a roller-coaster ride, but if we really look back closely - even through the rough times, our Lord Almighty has guided our paths and we've seen miracle after miracle... It has made us stronger and more resilient. And not just us, we have seen our family and friends grow in faith too, as they all lend us a helping hand.

My wife Ancy, has gone through so much. At a time when she should have been enjoying the initial years of marriage, she had to support me. If my OCD wasn't bad enough, she had to care for my needs too. My parents have had enough of me during my childhood days considering what a brat I was, and instead of relaxing now, they too had to care for me...!!! Everyone of my family members have lend a helping hand during these times, and its a true blessing. Here in London, so many of our friends have helped us in so many ways. And around UK and in different parts of the world, so many helped organise stem cell donor registration drives... So a BIG THANK YOU to you all...!!!

I'm glad to tell you that from the drives done, 5 individuals have already been identified as matches for others. It's such a wonderful thing, to know that the Lord used us to find donors who will act as life savers. So we shouldn't stop conducting these stem cell donor drives. We need to continue to raise awareness and get more and more people to register as donors.

My blood counts have been stable for the last 3 months now, and I haven't needed any transfusions, which is simply awesome. The counts are still climbing gradually, and need to get into normal levels, but we're praying this happens soon. We have set our targets, and thank God everyday for the counts he will give me... The last month, thanks to the climate change, I've been down with cough and cold - but by God's grace have been managing well. Seems like everyone in London is coughing... :)

As I start 2015 now, I believe that the Lord has special plans, and His plans are better than anything we can ever ask and think about. I submit myself to HIM, and thank him for all the many good days ahead... I thank HIM that he will use me as an instrument, so that His will be done.

God bless you all, have a wonderful 2015, filled with HIS choicest blessings...

Double portion of goodness awaits

Greetings to you all in the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ...! I know its been a long time since my last update, and my wife was insisting I write something. As there were just routine things going on, I didn't have much to share. But she insisted and actually shared verses and thoughts, which helped me with this post. So here goes...

I got back home exactly a month back now, after 53 days in Hospital. I wrote earlier right - about the long wait I had in Hospital for my neutrophils to recover, that contributed to the delay and long stay. Well, DELAY would be in our terms, but I'm sure that in the Lord's eyes, its all timed to perfection. I know HE will satisfy me with long life and show me His salvation (Psalms 91:16).

Even though I got back home, due to the low neutrophil counts, I have been staying indoors as much as possible. The first 2 weeks or so, I had to stab myself with the GCSF injections (yes, the same ones to boost the white cell counts). Only when the neutrophils was above 1 for few days, I was allowed to stop those injections. Post this, the neutrophil counts fell down again, because GCSF causes an inflated value. The very next day the count was 0.4 and I was praying to God that they don't insist me staying back in Hospital (as it was below the 0.5 threshold). By God's grace, got back home that day, and ever since, there has been a slow but gradual and constant increase in the neutrophil counts.

Also, the platelet (for clotting) counts have been low post the transplant, and I was needing blood transfusions (for platelets) every alternate day. For this, I had to go to the Hospital for blood tests, and depending on the counts, they would give me platelets. Its only since a week now, that its showing signs of improvement, and they've asked me to come every 3 days now. The neutrophils are the first to stabilize, and then the platelets and RBCs follow. By God's grace, my RBCs have been holding up well, and I've not had to have a lot of red blood transfusions.

I thank God for the last month, each day is a blessing from above, and I thank him immensely for His grace and mercy. Going to the hospital often has taken up a lot of the last month, but obviously there is a lot of time at hand. Unlike after chemotherapy sessions, I must accept that my body is feeling fatigued. And I have been resting a lot, sleeping more than usual and lazing around...! I really want to do more, as I don't like myself lazing around. Anyways, while I can't do much physical activities, I can surely use this time to share some thoughts...

The power of prayer: Needless to say we have been praying a lot. Its the way the world ticks, when we are in trouble, we begin to pray a lot. But when we get what we want, we forget the giver. I would like to stress the fact that prayer has multiple dimensions - its not meant only to ask for what we want. Its a medium to thank and give praise to the Almighty for all His grace and mercy and blessings. It is our chance to confess our sins and acknowledge the truth that Jesus has paid the price for our sins and also for our healing. Most of all, we should pray for the needs of others.

James 5:16 says - Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. When we pray for others, our healing will be manifested too. Prayers move the hand of God. We should especially pray for people who don’t have anyone to pray for them. When we pray for others, our needs will be met too. Now, don't start praying for others just so your own needs are met. :) It has to come from the heart, because the one you are praying to knows everyone and everything.

Forgiveness: Remember Job, and his suffering. The trials he went through. His three friends discouraged him and ridiculed him. He was so mad at them, but that did not bring him healing. The bible tells that God turned the captivity of Job when he prayed for his friends. When he prayed for his wicked friends and humbled himself for them, God healed Job and gave him twice as much as he had before. So as we pray, we must forgive too.

In the parable found in Matthew 18:23-35 - we read about the Master who forgave his servants' debts, but this servant did not forgive the much smaller debt of his own servant. Think of God as the master, we have huge debts of sin mounted up, that he has taken away from us and is able to forgive it all. But then we need to forgive the much lesser things we have against our friends and family. Forgive from your heart, and you will not only free them but free yourself. Its not an easy task, to do good to those who hurt/despise you. But if you submit this need to God and pray about it, He will bless you in this regard too.

Don't condemn yourself: Don't think for once, you are being punished by God. The devil inflicts pain to shake you, your finances, your family, your faith. So don't give in to it. Condemnation leads to fear, which leads to stress and will only pull you down further. God only has plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. We give in to wicked thoughts put in by the devil and condemn ourselves and slip down a slope of despair. So don’t let the devil make you feel that you are guilty. Jesus has paid the price for our sins and for our healing. All we need to do is accept Jesus as our saviour, ask him for forgiveness and turn from evil ways. 

Let us together rebuke the devil in Jesus name and he will flee from you - for there is ONLY one name on heaven or earth, to which every knee bows down - The name of JESUS!

And Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). So with great confidence I can say that like Job I have a double portion of goodness and blessings in store. God has a definite plan for my life, and I surrender my life to His works - in whatever way He seems best. I will LIVE and declare His works... I am NOT a victim, but a VICTOR in Christ Jesus. Halleluiah, Amen...

40 days

The number 40 has a lot of significance in the Bible. In Noah's time it rained 40 days and 40 nights, the Israelites roamed the desert for 40 years, Jesus fasted in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, and so on...

I had a tough 40 days too, Yesterday was day 40 after my transplant... It's not because of the side effects. The side effects wore off within 2 weeks after the transplant, but ever since that time, each day I have been waiting on the Lord. Waiting for this time. His perfect time...

I waited patiently for the Lord; 

   he turned to me and heard my cry. 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

   out of the mud and mire; 

he set my feet on a rock 

   and gave me a firm place to stand. 

He put a new song in my mouth, 

   a hymn of praise to our God. 

Many will see and fear the Lord 

   and put their trust in him.

                                    Psalm 40:1-3

For me to go home, my blood counts needed to pick up. For that to happen, the new stem cells that was put into me needed to find a good home in the bone marrow and start producing healthy cells. They needed to form neutrophils (combating infection), platelets (clotting) and RBCs, and many others. Only when the neutrophils touch 0.5, do they send me home, so there is lesser risk of infection (normal range is above 2).

By God's grace, I have been keeping very fit and healthy over the last 2-3 weeks, it was just that the counts were not moving. It's not easy to wait, trust me. For someone like me, who like things done soon, in time, such waiting is a real trial. A real test of my will power and patience. Not to mention, the Devil keeps putting silly/disheartening thoughts in your mind - so many "what-ifs" that pull you down. BUT I wasn't let down by these thoughts, because the Lord hasn't given us a spirit of fear, NO, he has given us a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. I kept rebuking such thoughts, and clinging onto his unfailing love for me, and using my little faith to cling onto his steadfast faith.

Romans 8:28 says: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I believe there is a special purpose for my life, and I believe that the Lord has HIS plans for me. Henceforth, it's not what I want to do with my life, but what His will is for my life...

Each day, prayers went up. Not just mine, but Ancy, my parents, my family, friends from our Church, loads of people who don't even know me that well, people from all parts of the globe were praying for me... For the last 10 day or so, people from our prayer group have been praying especially for me, everyday between 10 and 10:15pm. And all these added up, and kept going up to the Lord. When we pray, a saying goes like this, God can answer in 3 ways:

   He says YES, and gives us what we want,

   He says NO, and gives us something better,

   He says WAIT, and gives us the best!

The counts stayed flat for more than a month, imagine how the wait was. Everyday asking the nurse my counts, and the answer coming back as your neutrophils are still zero. Now, about a week back, they got to 0.1, but again the Doctors don't treat that very important, and they need to see a rise. The last few days, I stopped asking even, and just waited for the Lord to do his miracle. That's why this post is a day late, because ONLY today I got told by the Consultant that my neutrophils was 0.2 yesterday... :)

Now, this long wait was for a reason... Only the Master planner knows. I could only guess and believe in my heart that it was so that the cells adjust well, and will work well for the rest of my lifetime... I thank the Lord for his wondering grace, each day is a blessing from above. Thanks to you ALL for praying for me, please do continue to do so... I am praying for you too - if you have any special needs, do let me know, so I can pray specifically for your needs. We serve a God who loves us and IF we ask Him anything in Jesus name, he will not disappoint us... Either we get what we ask for, or else something much much better...!

God bless...