Future in my Lord's hands

Psalms 62:1-2 (NLT) - I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.

Most of you all have followed me on my journey in battling cancer. It's over 3yrs now and the fight continues. For those who don’t know, and have missed stuff, thought I write a post about what's happened so far, and what next...

I was diagnosed with AML (Acute myeloid leukaemia, a type of blood cancer) in Aug 2012. I went through 3 cycles of high dose chemo and got back to work rather soon (within 4 months). Unfortunately, it relapsed again in July 2013, and the plan was for me to have 1 high dose chemo, followed by a bone marrow transplant. But as they did not find a 10/10 donor for me, I went through another 2 cycles of chemo and then had an autologous transplant (wherein my own stem cells were harvested, made sure are cancer free and then given back to me). This was in April 2014. It took a long while to recover, but I started work slowly in October 2014, and was making a good recovery. Unfortunately, I again relapsed in Feb of this year…

As there were no standard treatments for me, I was put on a 6 month trial of RAvVA (My last post has more details, click here), where lose dose chemo is administered, and the hope is that it affects only the cancerous cells. It was a 7day course each month, and I tried working in-between whenever possible. After 3 cycles (3months), things looked good. But from tests done in mid Sept, the consultant has said that the treatment is not working and the blasts cells (Leukemic) are increasing. I’ve been having severe body pain for the last few weeks now, specifically in the bones, and they are doing further tests to determine the cause.

At the moment, clinically the future is looking dim, but I’m praying for a miracle and things turn around. A slight chance of another treatment is that of “antibodies”. It’s so new that only 15 people have gone on it so far. So no data about outcomes. They say it was successful on mice in the lab :) So that’s whats been happening the last 2 weeks, series of tests and also checking if I can be eligible for this antibodies trial. It's just phase 1 of trial, where they are still trying to determine the right dosages and if it benefits patients.

Physical, I’m very weak and as the neutrophils counts are low, I avoid going out much. Just Hospital runs. Hence haven’t been able to make it to office for a long time now and most likely will be going on long term sick leave. I'm at my weakest now, and so I rejoice because when I am weak, HE is strong. Only a miracle can save me now, and that's what we are praying for. Have submitted my life in His hands and waiting for my Lord Jesus Christ.

That’s it from me. But before I close, let me once again call out the ‘Stem cell donor’ bit. For those who still haven’t registered, it’s a noble cause. It’s just a bit more than regular blood donation, IF you are ever found to be a match. The initial step is to register only (Fill a form and give a cheek swab). We have had many donor registrations drives in UK, India and US too, and it's great to know that few individuals have already been contacted to be a donor and save a life. You can always go online and order a kit for free: http://www.deletebloodcancer.org.uk/en/register-now
Or http://www.anthonynolan.org/

So till my next post, take care and keep praying for me.

God bless...

Fouth treatment cycle over

I'm back fairly quickly this time... :) Firstly, because I really want to make it a point to blog, BUT more importantly, because by God's grace the 4th treatment cycle got over without any major hurdles. I have some tooth trouble this time, but it's being treated with anti-biotics. As I mentioned earlier, I started the 4th cycle on 22nd June and finished in time for 30th June. Got back home on Tuesday night itself... Wednesday was a bit tiring and it's taken a couple of days to feel normal :)

Really need to thank the nurses who take care of me and so many others. Doctors and consultants too are really helpful. It's because they do their work diligently that we are able to lead normal lives. I continue to pray for them - all the health care people around the world... May God continue to guide them and lead them and work miracles through them. Amen!

Nothing much to write today, so maybe I'll give some more details about the RAvVA treatment. As mentioned on the last post, its a different type of low dose chemo, less intensive. The initial trial is of 6 cycles (1 month each), and they assess how effective the medicine has been, and if it would be beneficial to continue, or wait and watch. For this RAvVA trial, you get randomized to have just the subcut injections OR subcut injections+oral chemo capsules. Again, as mentioned, traditional chemotherapy kills all cancerous cells, but at the same time kills good cells too. With this trial treatment, few good cells are lost, but the main aim is to try and curb the growth of cancerous cells and thus make more room for normal cells to grow.

The subcut injections are called Azacitidine - subcut meaning injections given into fatty issue. Like the stomach, back of your upper arm, thighs. The first 2-3 cycles this was a big problem for me, as I had no fat... :) The injections sting a lot and the pain remains for few days. :( so more the fat, the better. Azacitidine has been approved for used with Myelodysplastic Syndromes (MDS) patients and it's being trialed for AML now.

And then I got randomized to having the oral chemo too, which is a drug called Vorinostat - I need to have 3capsules morning and night time (12hrs apart) for 9 days. I start taking it on day 3 and it completes along with the 7 injections (because the injections are not given over weekends, got it?).

Apart from chemo, I have to take Septrin (anti-viral) and Voriconazole (anti-fungal) for the chest infection I had in April/May. Along with these, there are the usual prophylactic meds (Aciclovir, Ciprofloxin, Lanzoprezole) and nausea meds too. This time I was on 3 different nausea/vomiting drugs, so just vomited twice in the whole cycle, which is a really big thing for me, as vomiting is the main side effect I have. The prophylactic meds are continuous - they say Aciclovir is for life and the other 2 can stop when counts improve. Nausea meds I have only while the injections are on (maybe a day or two after incase not keeping well). Septrin and Voriconazole will continue for sometime, as the chest infection was pretty severe.

So that sums all the meds that I am on... :) I need lots of water unlike some who can take a small sip and have their meds. So I get full drinking water while taking these tablets! With all these meds which are meant to help me, if you start reading about possible side effects, it's all God's grace...! I seldom look at the side effects and Ancy does not look at them at all. Why worry she says... I don't get worried, but I can't be bothered. It's all in His mighty hands and I take each day as it comes...

I'm back to work too btw, inbetween treatment cycles, and the team is very co-operative. So I don't get any urgent time bound stuff to do. But that does mean I get stuff that no one wants to do... hehe... :) Cisco folk (especially my colleagues), no offense ok... I really appreciate all the help, patience and support. It helps keep my mind active and I don't forget things... And doing these odd tasks means I get to work on various different products/protocols, which only enhances my overall knowledge. In the last few weeks, I got back to SNMP stuff after years, installed and configured an Oracle DB for the first time and got vSphere Update manager (VUM) integrated with the DB (refreshed ODBC stuff) - so all good... Cisco rocks!

Anyhoo... this was supposed to be a short blog, and look what I've done...! If interested in the RAvVA trial, there is loads on google and you can read more here, about the positive signs...!

Keep praying for me and all those who need complete healing...

God bless!

The roller-coaster ride continues

Hello Everyone,

Firstly, apologies for the long delay since the last post. This post has been long pending, and finally I sat to write and update you about my life...

Being told I had cancer was a BIG shock back in 2012, then there was even greater disappointment when it relapsed in 2013 and the reason for this delayed post is that I had a second relapse earlier this year. Yep, my counts started dropping towards the end of Jan, and there were more tests done through Feb, and they finally confirmed a relapse!

Needless to say, there were so many mixed feelings, that it was overwhelming...!!! Being me, I never could express it well, but somehow by God's grace I've held on. Everyone around have been encouraging and very very supportive, but for me, enduring this isn't easy to say the less... :) Thoughts do come as to why I am suffering like this, going back and forth with the illness - BUT with the little shaky faith I have, I try and cling onto my Lord's great faithfulness...

My dad mentions this verse, and it relates so well to the phase I'm going through...
            "In the multitude of my thoughts within me, thy comforts delight my soul." Psalm 94:19

So, 2nd relapse... Doctors said I have to have chemotherapy again, followed by another transplant. The thought was totally unacceptable...! Again 2-3 courses of high dose chemo - my body would just not cope! Then a transplant, that too I don't have a full 10/10 match. So it would be a cord-blood or haplo(50-50 match with parents) transplant. I was praying for an alternative... And that's when they told me I could be eligible for a trials treatment called RAvVA, where in I get low dose chemo and it would not be as intensive. It needed a minimum of 6 cycles (1 month each), wherein I get sub-cut injections for 7(working) days and then a break until the next. I didn't have to be hospitalised and could possibly work the rest of the time during the break period.

Traditional chemotherapy aims to kill all cancerous cells, but at the same time kills good cells too. With this trial treatment, it tries to curb the cell cycle of cancerous cells and thus make more room for normal cells to grow. In short explanation... :) After consulting with family and other specialists in the field, we opted for the RAvVA treatment. And it started in March earlier this year. As my neutrophil counts had completed dropped, the first two cycles were not easy. I fell ill with high temperature (neutropenic sepsis) and was admitted in hospital 3 times. There was pneumonia and further lung infection and all...

Anyways, by God's grace, I got through all that and was able to be at home for 3-4days before the start of the 3rd cycle. The 3rd cycle went well, and after the 7days of injection, I was able to get back home. And have been at home for the last 2 weeks. Tomorrow I start my 4th cycle, and hence was desperate to get this blog out and update you all...

The last two weeks, I was able to eat well and put back some pounds, and get fit and ready for the next cycle. Although its low dose therapy, I still have some nausea and tiredness, so do loose weight. That's why I have been eating as much as possible... :) By God's grace, I was able to work too, and thanks to a very supportive team at Cisco, I was able to work in my time and complete the tasks given to me. It's a real blessing to be at #Cisco and have the flexibility to work from home and have the full support of my manager (and higher up) and my team amidst these difficult times.

So that's about it guys... I summed up the last 5 months quickly, to update up you all that I am doing well. I believe that there is a purpose for these tough times, and believe there are much better times ahead. Our Lord Jesus has special plans for me... I pray that he uses me for the extension of His kingdom... I though so unworthy, still am a child of His care! Thanks to you all who have been praying for me. It's these prayers which have kept me strong!

Love and regards to you all...

God bless...

Double portion of goodness awaits

Greetings to you all in the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ...! I know its been a long time since my last update, and my wife was insisting I write something. As there were just routine things going on, I didn't have much to share. But she insisted and actually shared verses and thoughts, which helped me with this post. So here goes...

I got back home exactly a month back now, after 53 days in Hospital. I wrote earlier right - about the long wait I had in Hospital for my neutrophils to recover, that contributed to the delay and long stay. Well, DELAY would be in our terms, but I'm sure that in the Lord's eyes, its all timed to perfection. I know HE will satisfy me with long life and show me His salvation (Psalms 91:16).

Even though I got back home, due to the low neutrophil counts, I have been staying indoors as much as possible. The first 2 weeks or so, I had to stab myself with the GCSF injections (yes, the same ones to boost the white cell counts). Only when the neutrophils was above 1 for few days, I was allowed to stop those injections. Post this, the neutrophil counts fell down again, because GCSF causes an inflated value. The very next day the count was 0.4 and I was praying to God that they don't insist me staying back in Hospital (as it was below the 0.5 threshold). By God's grace, got back home that day, and ever since, there has been a slow but gradual and constant increase in the neutrophil counts.

Also, the platelet (for clotting) counts have been low post the transplant, and I was needing blood transfusions (for platelets) every alternate day. For this, I had to go to the Hospital for blood tests, and depending on the counts, they would give me platelets. Its only since a week now, that its showing signs of improvement, and they've asked me to come every 3 days now. The neutrophils are the first to stabilize, and then the platelets and RBCs follow. By God's grace, my RBCs have been holding up well, and I've not had to have a lot of red blood transfusions.

I thank God for the last month, each day is a blessing from above, and I thank him immensely for His grace and mercy. Going to the hospital often has taken up a lot of the last month, but obviously there is a lot of time at hand. Unlike after chemotherapy sessions, I must accept that my body is feeling fatigued. And I have been resting a lot, sleeping more than usual and lazing around...! I really want to do more, as I don't like myself lazing around. Anyways, while I can't do much physical activities, I can surely use this time to share some thoughts...

The power of prayer: Needless to say we have been praying a lot. Its the way the world ticks, when we are in trouble, we begin to pray a lot. But when we get what we want, we forget the giver. I would like to stress the fact that prayer has multiple dimensions - its not meant only to ask for what we want. Its a medium to thank and give praise to the Almighty for all His grace and mercy and blessings. It is our chance to confess our sins and acknowledge the truth that Jesus has paid the price for our sins and also for our healing. Most of all, we should pray for the needs of others.

James 5:16 says - Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. When we pray for others, our healing will be manifested too. Prayers move the hand of God. We should especially pray for people who don’t have anyone to pray for them. When we pray for others, our needs will be met too. Now, don't start praying for others just so your own needs are met. :) It has to come from the heart, because the one you are praying to knows everyone and everything.

Forgiveness: Remember Job, and his suffering. The trials he went through. His three friends discouraged him and ridiculed him. He was so mad at them, but that did not bring him healing. The bible tells that God turned the captivity of Job when he prayed for his friends. When he prayed for his wicked friends and humbled himself for them, God healed Job and gave him twice as much as he had before. So as we pray, we must forgive too.

In the parable found in Matthew 18:23-35 - we read about the Master who forgave his servants' debts, but this servant did not forgive the much smaller debt of his own servant. Think of God as the master, we have huge debts of sin mounted up, that he has taken away from us and is able to forgive it all. But then we need to forgive the much lesser things we have against our friends and family. Forgive from your heart, and you will not only free them but free yourself. Its not an easy task, to do good to those who hurt/despise you. But if you submit this need to God and pray about it, He will bless you in this regard too.

Don't condemn yourself: Don't think for once, you are being punished by God. The devil inflicts pain to shake you, your finances, your family, your faith. So don't give in to it. Condemnation leads to fear, which leads to stress and will only pull you down further. God only has plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. We give in to wicked thoughts put in by the devil and condemn ourselves and slip down a slope of despair. So don’t let the devil make you feel that you are guilty. Jesus has paid the price for our sins and for our healing. All we need to do is accept Jesus as our saviour, ask him for forgiveness and turn from evil ways. 

Let us together rebuke the devil in Jesus name and he will flee from you - for there is ONLY one name on heaven or earth, to which every knee bows down - The name of JESUS!

And Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). So with great confidence I can say that like Job I have a double portion of goodness and blessings in store. God has a definite plan for my life, and I surrender my life to His works - in whatever way He seems best. I will LIVE and declare His works... I am NOT a victim, but a VICTOR in Christ Jesus. Halleluiah, Amen...

40 days

The number 40 has a lot of significance in the Bible. In Noah's time it rained 40 days and 40 nights, the Israelites roamed the desert for 40 years, Jesus fasted in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, and so on...

I had a tough 40 days too, Yesterday was day 40 after my transplant... It's not because of the side effects. The side effects wore off within 2 weeks after the transplant, but ever since that time, each day I have been waiting on the Lord. Waiting for this time. His perfect time...

I waited patiently for the Lord; 

   he turned to me and heard my cry. 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

   out of the mud and mire; 

he set my feet on a rock 

   and gave me a firm place to stand. 

He put a new song in my mouth, 

   a hymn of praise to our God. 

Many will see and fear the Lord 

   and put their trust in him.

                                    Psalm 40:1-3

For me to go home, my blood counts needed to pick up. For that to happen, the new stem cells that was put into me needed to find a good home in the bone marrow and start producing healthy cells. They needed to form neutrophils (combating infection), platelets (clotting) and RBCs, and many others. Only when the neutrophils touch 0.5, do they send me home, so there is lesser risk of infection (normal range is above 2).

By God's grace, I have been keeping very fit and healthy over the last 2-3 weeks, it was just that the counts were not moving. It's not easy to wait, trust me. For someone like me, who like things done soon, in time, such waiting is a real trial. A real test of my will power and patience. Not to mention, the Devil keeps putting silly/disheartening thoughts in your mind - so many "what-ifs" that pull you down. BUT I wasn't let down by these thoughts, because the Lord hasn't given us a spirit of fear, NO, he has given us a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. I kept rebuking such thoughts, and clinging onto his unfailing love for me, and using my little faith to cling onto his steadfast faith.

Romans 8:28 says: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I believe there is a special purpose for my life, and I believe that the Lord has HIS plans for me. Henceforth, it's not what I want to do with my life, but what His will is for my life...

Each day, prayers went up. Not just mine, but Ancy, my parents, my family, friends from our Church, loads of people who don't even know me that well, people from all parts of the globe were praying for me... For the last 10 day or so, people from our prayer group have been praying especially for me, everyday between 10 and 10:15pm. And all these added up, and kept going up to the Lord. When we pray, a saying goes like this, God can answer in 3 ways:

   He says YES, and gives us what we want,

   He says NO, and gives us something better,

   He says WAIT, and gives us the best!

The counts stayed flat for more than a month, imagine how the wait was. Everyday asking the nurse my counts, and the answer coming back as your neutrophils are still zero. Now, about a week back, they got to 0.1, but again the Doctors don't treat that very important, and they need to see a rise. The last few days, I stopped asking even, and just waited for the Lord to do his miracle. That's why this post is a day late, because ONLY today I got told by the Consultant that my neutrophils was 0.2 yesterday... :)

Now, this long wait was for a reason... Only the Master planner knows. I could only guess and believe in my heart that it was so that the cells adjust well, and will work well for the rest of my lifetime... I thank the Lord for his wondering grace, each day is a blessing from above. Thanks to you ALL for praying for me, please do continue to do so... I am praying for you too - if you have any special needs, do let me know, so I can pray specifically for your needs. We serve a God who loves us and IF we ask Him anything in Jesus name, he will not disappoint us... Either we get what we ask for, or else something much much better...!

God bless...

Be a fool for Christ

I wrote these few lines some days back, on he phone. Didn't have the strength to finish and publish then. But lets see how it goes now... This was around 12th April...

Ancy was with me sometime today. During those 2hrs that she was with me she saw me vomiting twice... She helped and was supportive. She always has been. Our parents see so much of our weakness too as we grow up, so much they bear for us. So much they support and care for us. Now, imagine, how much more do the nurse's and doctor's see... While we don't have our family around, the support staff at Hospitals help us a lot and see a LOT of our weakness. Right?

Now, imagine, HOW MUCH MORE DOES GOD SEE OUR WEAKNESS...? and its not just our sickness, illness's or pains. God's knows our innermost being. All our hidden pains, weakness and faults. but even after knowing ALL this, is still loves us unconditionally...!!!

Today is my new Birthday, my new life in Christ. And hence I want to live this new live in HIM. Give whatever you have to him, and let Jesus multiply it...

My Birthday: April 16, 2014 (Day 0)

My Mission: Be a fool for Christ!

Thanks to ALL for your prayers...

God bless...!

The final battle begins

The last week was spent preparing for the battle... Yesterday, got the PICC line put in again. Had a smooth procedure, and the nurse was able to find the same vein healthy, and the line is back on the left hand itself. God's grace that it wasn't blocked or anything. Else I would have scars on the right hand too... ;) Please do pray that the plasters don't react too much this time, and I can smoothly use the line for the entire transplant duration.

So I’ll be admitted tomorrow, but the transplant protocol will start on Monday, 7^th April. Yes, a great day to start eh... My favourite number SEVEN... In the Bible, referred to perfection. Perfect God, the Perfect Son and the Perfect Holy Spirit... So in Jesus name, with him beside me, I start this final battle... Satan can try all he wants, but I go into battle with the Armour of God. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)
 

As mentioned earlier, I’ve opted for an autologous transplant, ie. using my own stem cells. It’s a week of high dose chemo, a day rest and then my stem cells are given to me (Its called Day 0). After this, I should be in Hospital for another 2-3 weeks, so around a month in total. After this, the first 3 months are crucial, so will need a lot of rest while the body recovers. On day 100 I have to have some immunisation, and then 1 year after day 0, some more immunisations. Basically, it's like having a fresh start, so many of the immunisations that we get as children, I'll have to get again... :)

I'm hoping that this new start, after Day 0 - will be a new LIFE for me... In all aspects... A life spent doing the right things, for the right reasons... I pray that I be more patient, more tolerant, more of good, and can do away with the bad... I pray that it will be life spent acknowledging our Almighty Lord, and declaring his works. No matter what negative numbers have been thrown at me, I believe that God has a plan for me. And as the Psalmist says in Ch118:17: I will not die, but live, and will proclaim (declare) what the Lord has done.

God Bless...

Pressing on, to win the battle

I know it's been a long time, since my last post... So firstly, apologies... Guess I got comfortable at home, and was kept busy doing stuff around the house. Also, we have our annual charity event happening soon, so that has kept me busy too... Those in UK, please do try and make it... All details can be found here:
https://www.facebook.com/YouthFest2014

So, I've been at home for a few months now... The last couple of blood test results were good, and body has recovered well. Just been having some skin reactions, and getting styes in the eye, but apart from that, keeping fit. Hair has grown back, and I'm keeping fine physically, and also mentally and spiritually. Still, I have to go in for further treatment from the first week of April. I haven't found a donor yet, so the options for me are:
1. to use my own stem cells.
2. use cord blood
3. do nothing and wait

An adult donor is the best option, but since that not possible as yet, we have prayed and opted to use my own stem cells. Other option was cord blood, which we weren't keen about. Weighing the pros and cons, at this point in time, we felt using my own stem cells would be best. All the specialist doctors were divided in opinion too, about the first two options, and it was finally left on us as a family to decide... Doing nothing was deemed high risk, as the first time I relapsed within about 8months, so doctors wanted to do some treatment, without delaying anymore...

There were a lot of numbers and percentages thrown as us about risks during the transplant, Graft-versus-host disease, post transplant problems/infections, mortality, chances of relapse, etc... But we've left everything in God's hand. Here on earth, as the doctors say, we're going ahead for treatment, but whatever happens, we believe that everything is taken care of by the Almighty, so trusting in him... And pressing on... The treatment would last a month, and then I'll need few months to recover and for the blood counts to recover to normal levels...

Praying that this treatment will be my last... Believing in my heart and trusting in Christ, the Almighty to shower his Grace and blessings...

As you all have been praying for me thus far, please continue to uphold me in your prayers. And not just for me, please pray for all those in need... those in need of physical healing, those who have financial needs, those who might be having problems in the marriage/relationships, those praying for children, those suffering due to natural disasters, those affected by war, and so on...

Prayer should be more about asking for others, and thanking for what we have. You ask, then what about our own needs? Well, trust that others will be praying for you...

God bless...!

Marrow to thy bones

Praise the Lord Almighty, for enabling me to be fit and fine. I know it’s been a long absence, and I should have written more. But the evil one always finds ways to keep us away from declaring HIS works...

Last week, I had some severe swelling in both eyes. Started with redness and both eyes were red/sore, and the pharmacist gave drops for conjunctivitis. As it did not settle after 3days and both eyelids had swollen up, I visited the eye doctors and it was sties in both eyes...!!! I'm not sure if I ever had a sty in the eye, but this time had two, one in each eye... :) Anyways, my eyes got better over the weekend, and the swelling in the right eye went away completely this Monday, and it’s almost gone in the left eye too. The Doctor had given me antibiotics for 5 days and advised to do hot-compress treatment 3-4 times a day. By placing hot/warm towel on the eyes and massaging it a bit.

So that kept me away from the computer and cell phone for 3-4days. In a way it’s good, as I rested much more. Else I'm always online (computer, phone, tablet, etc) and it’s so addictive that time just gets wasted... Also, we're preparing for our annual charity program, and so was doing my bit to help the youths of our church. Please check out the Facebook page here: www.facebook.com/YouthFest2014

For those who remember, I had done the stem cell extraction mid-Dec, but the final results are not back yet. And that’s why I still don't have any concrete news about the transplant steps. The Doctor said the low level tests showed good results, but the high resolution (or much deeper test results are still pending). BUT that’s not a problem, I trust in the Lord's timing. And everything happens for the best...

Since the stem cell collection procedure, I had not done any blood tests - so was advised to do one today just to check on things. All the results are positive. Most of the blood counts are very much in the normal range, like for any normal person. Platelets are a bit lower than ideal, but it’s not anything to be alarmed about. Can't thank the Lord enough for taking care of me, and enabling my body to recover from all the chemotherapy...

That’s the latest... Oh, incase you wondering about the post title... If you aren't, what’s wrong with you? I'm thinking up innovative titles to catch your attention, and you haven't bothered to think about it...! lol...

About the title: My cousin +David Anush had organised a stem cell donor drive in Trivandrum, along with the help of many others whom I've not met - BUT they did so much, that I don't know how to thank them. +Suresh Devarajan & +Suresh John Jacob are two others I have to mention for an amazing drive at TVM, where over 350 people registered. There was a small write-up in the newspaper too. Picture on Facebook. It’s amazing how friends of friends and their friends have all come together and helped so much in so many ways. And most of all in prayers...

So at this drive, a lady called Manju Gilbert (G+ showed me 3 Manju's, so couldn't link) got to know about me. And during one of her meditations with the Gospel, God spoke to her in Proverbs 3:1-8. She had read it in the NIV and NKJV versions, but somehow was prompted and inspired to read the KJV too... Let me quote from her email to me:
============================
"Morning I had promised myself to spend some more time later in the day meditating on Proverbs 3:1-8. I didn’t get round to doing it. I could feel a gentle prompting, revisit it & that I did and not only in NIV & NKJV version but also in KJV. I read it and the first thing that struck me is Oh my God this for Jason. I believe that verse/version from KJV(King James Version) is for Jason. 

Proverbs 3:2 - For the length of days & long life and peace, shall they add to thee... 6: In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path. 7: Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord and depart from evil. 8: It shall be health(medicine literal meaning in Hebrew) to thy navel(body) and marrow to thy bones. Amen"
============================

Yes, she called me 'Jason' - not a big deal. Many of you still don't know how to pronounce or spell my name... hehe... :) But that’s how I came to this title. Such an inspiring and thoughtful message, from someone whom I've never might. Its awesome when I think about the prayers being said for me, even without my knowledge. A pastor once said our prayers ALL add up. As the basket fills, they are carried to our Lord... And the basket much FILL to the brim before going up... So prayer for others too, not just our own needs... You never know when your prayer might be the one to fill the basket, and will help shoot of the whole load of requests unto the Lord...

I try to pray for others too. Mostly generically, but also taking names - but at times we can forget. So today, I have started writing all the names down, so I can call out each of them, and not forget. Our prayers should be more for others... More for thanking the Lord for his unfailing grace and mercy... More to declare our love and to acknowledge that Jesus died for us and has paid the price for our sins and our healing...

The 3 stripes of Adidas

[2nd attempt. Blogger hung on me and I lost half the post, so had to redo it. The Devil tries, but can't stop me... :) He can only TRY...!!!]

For those who know me, they will know that I am an Adidas guy. I'm not sure when the craze started, but it has been well over a decade (around the turn of the century maybe). Not sure what it was, maybe the simplicity of a brand with 3 stripes... In any case, I gradually only started buying Adidas gear and now most of my wardrobe is full of stripes. lol...

A few days back, I got asked again by a church friend about why Adidas, and I referred to The Trinity and said by His stripes we are saved. Although it came on as a general quick-wit comment, I really liked the thought, and it got me thinking. All this while, I've been wearing the 3 stripes, and it was just another brand for me. Now, it has much more meaning. I wear the 3 stripes and I have the trinity with me at all times - God the Father, Christ Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Let me refer some verses: 
1 Peter 2:24 - He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree (cross), so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His stripes (wounds) you have been healed.

This talks about Jesus paying the price for our sins, but not just that; he also paid the price for our healing - both spiritual and physical healing. There is another verse which talks about physical healing by the blood of Jesus Christ.
Matthew 8:17 - This was to fulfill what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: "He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases."
[Which refers to the fulfilling of the prophesy from the Old Testament in Isaiah 53:4-5]

How amazing... To know that all these years, knowing or unknowingly I have been under the protection of the Trinity. Like spiderman's uncle said, "With great power, comes great responsibility." :) I don't have any power, just the strength that comes from the grace and mercy of our Lord. But still, now it is an added responsibility as I wear the stripes of Jesus. Actions speak louder than words, and today I realise how my actions need to show a life in Christ as I bear the stripes...

Not sure if you saw the post I shared on FB earlier today (from a group called Christian PF). Honestly, I thought about this topic 3-4 days back, and had written the subject and 1-2 paras also, but just didn't manage to finish writing. Today when I saw this post on FB, I was really touched by it. Today was the day for this blog post, and the picture message ties in so well to this topic. That our lives, the way we lead it, should make non-believers question their disbelief in God.

So my healing has been pre-approved, over 2000 years ago. And my faith is strong and nothing can change the way I feel about tomorrow and the years ahead. The Lord has something planned for my life and my humble prayer is this: Take me and mould me oh God...!!! So that when people get to know me, they will know you better...!

On the treatment front, I was due to meet the consultant tomorrow (Jan 8, 2014) and discuss next steps with regards to the transplant. But few test results were not back yet, and the meeting has been postponed to sometime next week. The Lord's timing is perfect and I don't fear one second about whats going to happen. Whatever will happen will happen for the best. I live all the days of my life that have been given to me from above. And I pray that each of these days, I spend knowing more about my Saviour, and declaring his wonderful works.


Disclaimer: I am NOT getting paid by #Adidas (maybe they should consider it now) and don't wish to make any comments that can cause corporate advertising issues... :) These thoughts are mine and ONLY my thoughts...

A blessed Christmas season

How I am blessed to be home during this Christmas season. How I am blessed to be able to attend Church, visit friends and spend time with close family and friends... How I am blessed to be His son. Jesus's death on the cross bought us salvation, and redeemed us from suffering due to sin. Simply put, Sin is absence of God. How blessed I am that Jesus died for me and paid the price NOT ONLY for my sins, but also for my healing...

My health is great, and I am keeping well. Eating and resting well. Next appointment with the Doctor is on Jan 8th, and I should have the results from the stem cell collection and also other results from donor searches. It is going to be a BIG day, when most likely a final decision will be made about what transplant option to go for... So keep praying for me...

Btw, not sure how many of you saw the this post I put on FB on 25th Dec:
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Today is not about Christmas trees, snow, bells or santa... Even this Christmas season is here for a reason... Let's remember today for its real importance...

For Jesus Christ was born this day, to save us from the bondage of sin...! In his death on the cross, He has already paid the price for our sins and our healing, we only need to have faith and believe...

I find this story about the birds, one of the best ways to describe why Jesus Christ had to be born amongst us. Please read it...
http://t.co/PnTM19SS8c

Quote from the Daily Bread:
"The birth of Christ brought God to man,
        the cross of Christ brings man to God."

Wishing you ALL a blessed Christmas season... Love one another and spread peace and happiness...!
=====================================

Sadly, only 19 people have liked it so far... :) If it were a funny clip or joke or a selfie, it would have gathered likes by the dozens. Even more if I were a woman... ;) [Please, don't call me a sexist, its a fact about behaviour on social media].

Anyways, I hope this post reaches more people now and they can get to know my Saviour better. Please do read the story about the birds. It's a great example that describes why God, the Creator had to be born into this world, to save us from impending doom...

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us" (John 1:14)

Once again, wishing you all a blessed Christmas season and a wonderful blessed New year...

Stem cell harvest...

5.51million... I wish this were a figure in £ or $ or even Indian Rupees... :) None the less, its a very good figure that was achieved. In terms of the #stemcell harvest that was done over the last 2 days. As some of you might have read my previous post (on injecting myself), I was due for this procedure, in order to collect my own stem cells. This would be one transplant option for me down the line (if the collected stem cells are MRD-negative, cancer-free), in the form of an #autologous stem cell #transplant.

Anyways, just wanted to share my experience to all those concerned about my health and also to potential #stemcell donors. Firstly, I feel NO different to what I felt before the stem cell collection. I've had a normal day today, watching television, surfing the web, making lunch (my wife did all the chopping, and I had to just grill my healthy sandwiches) and now I'm blogging... Oh yes, the grill was messy and I spent over half an hour cleaning it too. My dear wife and friends had grilled all sorts of stuff on it during the charity fund raiser last Saturday, and it took me a long time to get all the grease out... :)

So if someone who has gone through so much chemo can tolerate and be fit the next day, I'm sure all you healthy people out there will do just fine.

For those who are new to this, the stem cell harvest is done by #PBSC method, where an #Apheresis machine helps extract the stem cells from your peripheral blood. It's a really clever piece of equipment which centrifuges the blood and because different components of the blood have different densities, they separate and can be extracted. The nurse technician was saying its not the machine thats key, BUT actually it is those stimulation injections (like #GCSF and #plerixafor) which have really boosted the power of the PBSC procedure which is being used more and more now.

What to expect on the day?
Well, it's pretty similar to whats advertised and shown on the web. You get two pokes (initially a needle, but thats removed once the vein is found) on each arm. The exact location depends on where they can find a straight bit of vein. If you're scared of needles, think about the greater cause and the life you'll save. It takes some time to setup, but once started its a 4-5 hours process. The initial needle pain settles soon and then you have to just relax and wait. The nurse was always besides me incase I needed anything.

While on the machine, your movement is restricted a bit, but you can carry on eating, talking or sleeping as normal. I tried sleeping, but being me was not able to shut down... I was texting, whatsapping and even did a google hangout session with my parents and sister, to see the stunts my little nephew Jordan was doing in #Pune. Mid-way, I felt a slight tingling feeling on the lips, but on a scale of 1 to 10, it was around 1-2. And towards the last 15-20mins the tingling sensation was a little more, maybe a 4 on 10. It a known side effect due to the anti-coagulant used to keep the blood from clotting.

For me, the worst part of the procedure was controlling the urge to use the toilet. On the first day, before the start of the procedure I went to the loo twice, and still the last half hour was a real stretch. I was counting minutes, to be taken off the machine, so I could rush to the toilet... lol... The finish of the second day was much much better. Why? Because I didn't even last half the way... ;) I guess I didn't drain enough before the start, and half way through the sensation started. I tried controlling, but there was no way I could last another 2-3hrs, so I asked the nurse for a urine bottle. Then the curtains closed and there was a looong sigh of relief (with zero spillage). That's why when the procedure finished, I was in no rush... So best advise I can give, don't bother controlling...

Also, on the first day, I was treated like a king, because a kind lady was going around the hospital, with a huge Classical #Harp, and playing melodious tunes. I thought it would be for some charity or fund raiser, but she was doing it completely voluntarily. Using her own estate car, to lug that huge Harp (she had a trolley for it too) and playing music for patients at the hospital. I'm no good appreciating music, but the gesture was awesome. Going completely out of your way for strangers...!!

Finally, about the numbers... When donating stem cells, the required count depends on the weight of the recipient. In my case, as I was my own donor, they wanted atleast 2millions stem cells and 4millions would be much better. You know the CD34 count I was talking about, the unit is actually in million. So earlier when they wanted my count to be over 10, it meant 10million. Out of whats in the peripheral blood, the apheresis machine can extract 8-10% only. On the first morning, my CD34 count was 33, and they were able to collect 3.06million. Second day, it was around 21, and they were able to collect 2.45million. And thats how we got to the 5.51million figure.


After the procedure, like I mentioned, I'm feeling perfectly normal. They do repeat blood tests at the end of the cycle and top up any missing nutrients. For me, they gave me some magnesium and potassium supplements as only those had dropped a tiny bit. Because almost all the blood (sans the stem cells) are returned to your body, there is no lose to you anyways. I've felt much much worse after a day long session of cricket. Trust me! I've had days after cricket, where I have had to have pain-killers and rest my back and use all sorts of massagers for different parts of the body. :)

Potential Donors: You will be healthy enough to have much more stem cells in the peripheral blood and so in most cases will require only 1 day of this procedure. The Doctors and nurses are always around to help and advise in your particular case, all depending on the needs of the recipient. So no matter what happens, don't back out when the time actually comes to save a life...

Take care,
Jeson
Thank you Lord Jesus for keeping me save and blessing me so abundantly...!

Injected myself today... twice...!

As the search for an unrelated donor continues, the doctors are trying alternative options too. First being to collect my own stem cells, test it and make sure it is cancer free and give that back to me as a transplant. This is called an #autologous #stemcell transplant. They tried collection off the back of my third chemo cycle, but I didn't mobilize enough to go onto the #apheresis machine. Let me explain that line in more detail first...

• Off the back: that’s the lingo used. Simply means at the end of my chemo cycle, they give me #G-CSF injections, to boost my stem cell counts, and push it into the peripheral blood.
• G-CSF (Granulocyte colony-stimulating factor): As per wiki, it is a glycoprotein that stimulates the bone marrow to produce granulocytes and stem cells and release them into the bloodstream (peripheral blood).
• Didn't mobilize: They do a test called CD34 count, to check the amount of stem cells in the peripheral blood. And for a good collection it needs to be above 10. Mine wasn't even 1 at the time, hence they used to lingo didn't mobilize.
• Apheresis machine: It is the machine used to separate platelets or in my case stem cells. The blood is drawn out of one arm, goes through this machine which does the separation and then the remaining blood is returning into the other arm.

Now, back to why I injected myself... Since I did not mobilize earlier, they have slotted me to go onto the apheresis machine again, on Dec 18th (coming Wednesday). And prior to this, as any normal stem cell donor would have to do, I have to get these #GCSF injections. I have started the injections today, will do the same tomorrow and on Monday too. On Tuesday I go to the Hospital where they do blood tests and if need be give me another #mobilization injection called #Plerixafor. Before I got 300µgrams (that’s micrograms), but this time it’s a higher doze to get me to properly mobilize. They come in different syringe sizes and I got the 300µgrams and 480µgrams syringes, making a total of 780µgrams for my body weight. That’s why 2 syringes and hence 2 injections.

Why I did it myself...? Well, if not I would have to travel to the hospital in the cold, or else wait a whole day for a local nurse to come and do this simple injection. And for those who know me, I don't like waiting. I was never scared of needles and it never bothered me. But injecting myself was different and I did not fancy doing it. Yes, there might have been a little fear. But towards the end of the last chemo cycle, when I realised that eventually I'd have to get some injections at home, I decided to brave it and under the supervision of the nurse, injected myself the last two days in hospital. These injections are specially made and can be easily self-administered with very little risk - extremely thin needles, with spring action that pulls out the needle quickly after the doze is given (check the pic above). I must say I didn't do the second injection properly and it didn't click, so had to manually pull out the needle. So had very very little blood came out, like a tiny rain drop. Absolutely normal and I’ve had a bit of blood come out even when the nurses did the injection in hospital.

Why I'm writing all this in so much detail? I thought of two reasons:
1. To give courage to all you potential stem cell donors.
There have been many new donors who have signed up during the various drives conducted for me and others like me, and that is great. But IF and WHEN the time comes and you are identified as a match for someone (your gene twin), PLEASE don't have second thoughts. You would be the person's only hope, so don't let any fear or doubt come to your mind. If I can inject myself and be perfectly fine, you can take a few stabs too right? Remember, it is to save a life and it cannot compare to the highly insignificant pain you ‘might’ have to go through.

2. To pray for me.
Pray that these injections work well, and my body produces good stem cells. Pray that I properly inject myself the next couple of days… :) Pray that the stem cell collection process goes ahead smoothly on the 18th of this month. And most important, pray that the collected stem cells are fully free of blasts/cancerous cells.

Once the CD34 count goes above 10, next step is going on the apheresis machine, and I'll let you all know about that experience too.

PS: Please don't think or say how brave or strong I am. My strength comes from the Lord, who made the Heavens and the Earth. Who came down as man, and died on the cross and has already paid the price for my healing... Please read John 11:4


Keep the faith, believe and be positive...

Not so free afterall...

So, the PIC line was removed last Saturday. I was glad that finally I'd be free and can use my left arm better. But guess what, I've been tied down since and its gonna be another few more days I guess...

For those who haven't read the last post, I was developing some rash and blisters due to the plastic dressing used to cover the insertion point of the PIC line. It had been in there for over 3 months, and the skin was not taking it anymore. So when the line was taken out, there was a few blisters and the skin was tender. The nurse put a cloth dressing till the PIC wound heals and said I can take it off in a day or two. I took the dressing out on Monday, and guess what - the whole upper arm was inflamed. The skin was all red, and it was all covered in blisters...!!!

Since it did not subside, they called me back to Hospital, and I spent most of Wednesday in the day unit. They were suspecting #Shingles, so I was kept in isolation and given a nice bed too... As it wasn't the usual sitting position of the day unit, I didn't mind the usual long wait. Shingles is caused by a virus similar to the chicken pox virus. It's contagious by touch, and for those who haven't had chicken pox before, it seems they develop chicken pox. So Ancy and me were a bit worried as she has never had chicken pox before.

Anyways, they took blood samples, blood cultures, swabs of the pus, etc. And finally, they decided to send me home on antibiotics for the rash, until the swab test results get back.

The skin is terribly itchy and I can't tell you how I am controlling the urge to scratch all over... :) Although the last few days have been painful and it doesn't look like subsiding any time soon, the good news is that the swab tests and blood tests were all negative (no shingles). So amidst the severe rash and uneasiness, its good to know that its not gonna be worse. Praise God...

Please do continue to pray for me, so that this allergy/rash subsides soon. I'm due for #StemCell collection next week, so need to be well by mid of next week...

PICC removed last weekend

My left arm feels relaxed now, as the PIC line has been removed. It was in there for around 3 months now and was used for the 2nd and 3rd chemo cycles. As it was in there so long, the skin around the insertion point had got really sore, with blisters forming. It was getting really itchy, so I requested the Doctor if it could be removed, as there was another few weeks before the transplant happens and they could put a new line in at that time.

Now, you ask what a PIC line is? Let’s start from the beginning of my treatment, so I can tell you about the Hickman line too... :)

When I was first diagnosed last year, I had 3 rounds of chemotherapy and all the treatment was done using whats called a Hickman line (name after one of its inventors). The #Hickman line is a central venous catheter, that is inserted on one side of your chest most, and it goes into your main vein leading to the heart. The peripherally inserted central catheter (#PICC or PIC line), on the other hand is inserted in a peripheral vein in the arm, and then advanced to a larger vein close to the heart. 

Hickman line

PIC line

Both the Hickman line and the PIC line are used for long term treatment like chemotherapy. They also serve as a means of giving #intravenous medication (like antibiotics or fluids), giving blood transfusions and they are also used for drawing blood for analysis/tests. Inserting the hickman line is a more complicated and more painful procedure, but it has a larger tube and hence has less chances of clotting and giving trouble. So there are pros and cons.

This time when I relapsed, for the first course of chemo, they did put a hickman line in. But towards the end of the treatment, it got infected and was leading to high fevers, so they decided to remove the line. This lead to the insertion of the PIC line for the first time. #God works in strange ways... You see, having the hickman line on the chest is more disturbing and uncomfortable - compared to having the line on your arm. Especially, for me it was not possible to sleep on my front! Anyways, I had to go through severe high fevers (apparently called rigors), for the Hickman line to be pulled out and then get the new PIC line in from the 2nd course of chemotherapy. It was a great relief and much easier to manage and do day to day things. I did end up getting rashes and the skin getting sore, but that might be my skin reaction to the plastic dressing which has been on for the last 3 months. I had similar reactions with the Hickman line too.

In most cases, removal of a PICC is a much simpler procedure as compared to the hickman line. And for me, it was just that. As compared to the pulling/cutting/pushing of getting the hickman line out (which I have gone through twice already), it was so much easier to get the PIC line out. The nurse simply pulled the whole line out with great ease. When the line was out there was slight bleeding, so she applied some pressure for a couple of minutes and then a sterile dressing. Hardly any pain...!

If you're faced with the need to use any of the above methods, do speak to your Doctor, don't take my experience as the only basis for your decision. Although the hickman line is more painful while inserting and removing, and it does require more care - there can be good medical reasons why they might want to use the hickman line. For me, it was an admin reason. The hospital closer to my home, where I was treated last year and had the first course of chemo this year - they only did hickman lines! Guess I should start a petition to get them to insert PIC lines too. It doesn't require an operation theatre - just a sterile room with a properly trained and qualified nurse... :)

I'll take off the dressing soon now, and be able to wash the whole left arm properly. And maybe do some exercises to strengthen the arm. They will insert a new PIC line when needed, but for now, I'm a free man...

#Psalms 107:1 - Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever...